I know most of you were raised by
their parents or if not,it is your uncle or aunties. We are all human beings
and we sometimes we misbehave which sometimes can attract punishment or
discipline.
Effective discipline helps children
learn to control their behavior so that they act according to their ideas of
what is right and wrong, not because they fear punishment. For example, they
are honest because they think it is wrong to be dishonest, not because they are
afraid of getting caught.
The purpose of punishment is to stop
a child from doing what you don't want - and using a painful or unpleasant
method to stop him.
There are basically four kinds of
punishment:
- physical punishment - slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, and using a belt or hair brush.
- verbal punishment - shaming, ridiculing, using cruel words, saying "I don't love you."
- withholding rewards - "You can't watch TV if you don't do your homework."
- penalties - "You broke the window so you will have to pay for it with money from your allowance."
The first two kinds of punishment,
physical and verbal, are not considered to be effective discipline methods. The
other two, withholding rewards and giving penalties, can be used either as
effective discipline methods or as punishment - depending on how parents
administer them.
Why Punishment Doesn't Work
Physical punishment usually doesn't
work for several reasons. First, it makes the child hate himself and others.
Physical punishment makes the child think that there must be something awfully
wrong with him to be treated so badly. If children think they are
"bad," then they will act "bad." A vicious cycle is formed.
The child who has been treated harshly has no reason to be good. Or he may be
good just to keep from being punished and not learn to be good because he
thinks it is the right thing to do.
Children who have been spanked feel
that they have paid for their misbehavior and are free to misbehave again. In
other words, spanking frees the child from feelings of remorse which are needed
to prevent future misbehavior.
Parents who use physical punishment
are setting an example of using violence to settle problems or solve conflicts,
Children imitate their parents' behavior. When parents use physical punishment,
children are more likely to use violent acts to settle their conflicts with
others.
Another disadvantage of using
physical punishment is that parents have to find other discipline methods when
the child becomes as tall and as strong as the parent! Why not start using
effective discipline methods when the child is young?
Where reward and punishment
focus on the child, encouragement and reality discipline target the act. Reward
and punishment teaches the child to be "good" as long as we are
looking. When rewards are our chief way of motivating children we run the risk
of creating "carrot seekers": children who are always looking for and
expecting a reward every time they do something good or right. If we give a
child money for making his bed this week, he'll wonder where his money is next
week. Instead of being self-motivated by a desire to cooperate or help other
family members, we have taught the child to look to us for his source of
motivation.
Effective Discipline . . .
- Helps the child learn self-control
- Can be used with teenagers
- Builds the child's self-esteem
- Sets a good example of effective ways to solve problems.
Harsh Punishment . . .
- Teaches the child to deceive parents
- Won't work with teenagers
- Tears down self-esteem
- Teaches the child that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems.
Discipline
vs. Punishment
To
discipline effectively, think about these ideas:
1. Effective discipline methods work
better than punishment in teaching children how to behave.
2. The more parents use effective
discipline methods, the less children need punishment.
3. There is no excuse for using
physical or verbal punishment to discipline a child.
4. Using consequences as a
discipline method helps children learn to take responsibility for their
behavior.
5. Consequences must be logically
related to the misbehavior.
6. The child must see the
relationship between his misbehavior and the consequences or it will not work.
7. The child must know he has a
choice when consequences are used.
8. Use consequences in a firm, kind,
friendly manner.
